Category: Writing

Starting Out: Game Master Series

Audra Edmonson4 Comments

 

Red-Dragon-full-Tyler-Jacobson
The art from the Dungeon Master’s screen for Dungeons and Dragons. Image cred.

 

It’s theater/radio/improv/imagination/story-telling in an oral tradition that goes back millennia. It’s D&D y’all.

I’ve decided to become a DM (Dungeon Master). This is not an altogether well-thought-out decision, as being a good DM or GM (Game Master) means an awful lot of time alone spent creating and planning and memorizing rules for a few hours of fun that WILL be derailed and will NOT go as planned and MAY make friends hate each other afterward…or not.

I’m still going to do it. It’s a bit like saying you’ve decided to be a poisonous frog catcher in the Amazon or a tornado-chaser in Oklahoma. Everyone’s like, “yeah, that’s super cool, you should totally do that!” and everyone is also thinking “that’s cool yeah, but also insane, and I’m so glad I have a normal hell like customer service or nursing. I’m definitely the smart one here.”

I’m not bitter. I’m insane. Probably.

My brother put down world-building as one of his skills. He’s also a DM. A far better one than I will ever be, also being a voice actor. I can put world-building down as one of my skills as well because apparently, that’s the kind of thing to run through families, or over them, and I’m a writer, so there’s….that. Which may or may not make me a good DM. It may mean I wax eloquent in my descriptions and my NPCs will say “er…um…great!” a lot because I’m not so good at the improv or actual real life conversations.

I don’t know yet. I’m just starting out. I haven’t even finished reading the Dungeon Master’s Guide. I think I need to sleep with it. Okay, not with it, obviously, but like, under my pillow so I can memorize rules by osmosis. Dream about it. Some people put pictures of loved ones under their pillows to dream of them. Ha, amateurs. I’ll be over here dreaming of monsters and people staring at me waiting for me to deliver an awesome story. Wayyyy less embarrassing/awful. Play me a tiny violin. *tears*

I’m not a complete noob at this point though, if I have to be honest (and everyone’s honest on the internet). I did run my aforementioned amazing DM brother through the opening of Curse of Strahd, which took like eight hours. It gave me a pounding headache and a sore throat for a few days, but it was so awesome. He was in America and I was in Korea, so we had to Skype, and I called him when I was ready wearing a black paper raven mask and playing creepy vampire music. Oh yeah, it was epic. I even lit a candle labeled “Dark Woods” or something, but of course, the smell was only metaphoric for him.

I decided to blog about this because I think it would be cool to see how it was starting out after I’m a very good DM who is semi-famous somehow. I will definitely have my own website with a picture of me holding the tips of my fingers together and one eyebrow up as I look over my DM screen.

Step 1: Learn to raise one eyebrow.

I’m going to be so great at this.

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Writing Projects Over the Years

Audra Edmonson6 Comments

I posted my Annual Writing Review a while back, and it made me realize how much value there is in assessing what I’ve written.

If writing is, as John Updike says, “nothing less than the subtlest instrument for self-examination and self-display that mankind has invented,” then reviewing it, revisiting the old projects, can tell us a lot about ourselves during that time.

I’m not alone in thinking this. I’ve read many essays from authors on their writing, and many of them talk about reading their old work and asking, did I write that? Like keeping a journal and rereading the high school bits and being totally aghast that you were ever that dramatic. I mean, really?

I thought it would be interesting to see what novel projects I’ve kept over the years. Unfortunately, when I moved abroad the first time, I cleared out a lot of old stories, not knowing how awesome it is to receive inspiration from the past, so much of the old, old stuff is gone. I was clearing out a lot of mental clutter and emotional junk at that time, and many things that should not have been forgotten were lost (did I just quote LOTR? oh yeah I did).

Regardless, in perusing the old stuff I did have, I came across some amazing things. I mean, a lot of it is trash, of course, half-ideas and flat characters and nothing more than a few words of an embryo of an idea. But there was some good stuff in there too, surprisingly. Stuff I’d like to revisit in future.

Story Ideas

  • A story about a half-tree man, a moon child, and some boy (probably only there to be romantic, the bugger)
  • A story about the war between angels and demons and two kids caught up between them, very allegorical, very dark, very Inferno-esque
  • A girl who locks herself in a tower and befriends the dragon (original at the time, since writing it oh, seven years ago, I have seen the same idea a dozen times)
  • A story about people whose destiny is just to die – as in meaningless deaths, very nihilistic, never fleshed out
  • A story set in a crooked house that leans from a windy hill in Peru – sometimes just the image is enough to get me an idea
  • “Little green policemen in little yellow suits wave little purple guns and shout their little shouts. They pitter patter after plagiarists, creeping into their brains and stealing back stolen ideas.” I have no idea why I wrote this down. Plagiarism police? Was I messing about with alliterations? No idea.
  • A world with everyday gods, like the god of parking. This was before I read Pratchett, who has his Small Gods which are very like what I had in mind. And American Gods, of course, touches on the idea as well.
  • A story about a girl who is a phoenix. Also not original, but my opening line is pretty good.
  • A story about houses with minds, who get up and follow their owners. I still love this idea.
  • A story about a girl who is queen of the hounds, based pretty much entirely off the book Prince of Dogs by Kate Elliott. (I read the book as a teen and thought it was pretty amazing. I wonder what I would think of it now…)
  • A story about a girl who can see sounds as things (the idea got totally ripped off by a Kdrama years later. I should sue!)
  • A story about people who fish among the stars. But for what? And why? And how would that even work?
  • A story about a society lost in the present time, when things moved but time did not

Themes

As I was doing this all-around read, I noticed certain themes, images, or types of story that showed up repeatedly. At some point, I’ll sit down to go through this and try to figure out what story I keep wanting to tell.

  • Hidden things
  • Darkness
  • Sleeping beasts awakening – the darkness inside of us, like animals, waiting to burst forth from their cages and cause us to do terrible things
  • Transformations, mostly to bad and gruesome
  • Vivid images – a lot of these earlier pieces I wrote when I was also making a lot of art, and images and contrasts were particularly appealing to me. I would see an image in my mind and note it, either as a picture I wanted to paint or a story I wanted to write. The two blended and became inseparable.
  • Folktale/Myth – many of my ideas take the form of folk stories or myths. I have always loved that genre, and I feel like it’s a more joyful kind of fantasy, even when it’s dark. I don’t really know how to describe it. Maybe because it generally takes place kind of in the real world, but makes it magic. It has its own vitality that is of a different quality than fantasy set in new worlds. I love all fantasy, epic, folk, dark; but there will always be a special place in my heart for folklore.
  • Melancholy – a lot of my writing comes from the darker places of my heart and mind, those places I don’t get to show the world. So then they come out in stories, where I try to work them out. Most of my ideas have violence, anger, terror in them somewhere. They aren’t tragic; I usually envision happy endings, but that too is a kind of working-out of my demons. I want my own life to end up happy, so my characters must. Or at least, until I grow up.
  • Moonlight – moonlight and starlight feature in a lot of my ideas. I don’t know that there’s a reason for that, but I will say that I have always loved the moonlight more than the sunlight. Sunlight hurts my eyes (I have lighter eyes and pretty bad light sensitivity), and so moonlight has always felt friendlier.

There was a lot more. A lot more dross, a lot more golden eggs. I had more than I realized when I set out on the endeavor. You know how you make folders within folders within folders on a computer? Well, every time I started writing again I would put all the old stuff in a folder marked (old) or (archives) or something. Turns out I have a lot of subfolders within my big writing folder.

But it was nice, overall, to go over everything. It was nice to be inspired. It was nice to know that I wrote some pretty decent stuff when I was younger. It gives me hope for my future.

If you’re a writer, have you ever looked back over all the old stories?

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Rotating Priorities Board: Multipotentialite Series

Audra EdmonsonLeave a comment
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I made much prettier ones in Korea, but you get the idea.

 

This is the third and probably last post related to Barbara Sher’s book Refuse to Choose (read my review). Today I’ll be discussing the idea of the Focus Board or the Rotating Priorities Board.

The Idea

The Focus Board is a very useful tool for multipods like me who have a basic set of interests that tend to cycle around. Yes, I have interests that come and go only once, but many of my hobbies are mainstays. The intensity of the interest I have for them will wax and wane, but these few have never dropped off the radar altogether.

Currently, my Focus areas are; Writing, Crafting, D&D, and Blogging. Back when I first started the board, I had Health instead of D&D, but that’s changed over the last few months and so I’ve updated my board. That’s perfectly fine and exactly what this tool is supposed to do.

Why Rotate?

The reasoning is straightforward. You have several categories of things you’re interested in, and you want to make progress in each one, but if you try to schedule or focus on one until completion, you often find you can’t do that. A more specific example might be that you want to write a short story. That has steps and requires several days or weeks of solid work. You’re happy to do it, and it’s something you’re really interested in, but you have other things that occasionally creep up on your interest-o-meter (my word, bam).

The solution? Rotate.

In Practice

Let’s break it down further. I want to write a short story. I’m writing and all is fine and well until the third day when my interest begins to wane. Oh no, there goes that idea, I think to myself sadly, shelving the story as I move on to the paper dragon project that is so awesome I can’t stop thinking about it. Just at that moment, anyway.

But I don’t have to shelve the story. What I should do is put the “Writing” sheet underneath and put the “Crafting” sheet on top, work on the dragon until that interest fades, and then pick up the story again. If it’s been a really long time since I’ve written and I haven’t gotten the bug, there might be another issue than just interest. Maybe it wasn’t the story I needed to tell, or maybe writing isn’t my thing. That’s another issue for another post. This board is for things that DO come back around.

I always come back to writing, even if my interest wanes for a week or two. I always have a crafting project I’m doing at any given moment, be it knitting, paper craft, or bullet journaling (which I consider crafty). Lately, I’ve been creating and planning a lot of D&D related stuff, so I put that in, and blogging I keep separate from writing for my own purposes.

How to Make the Board

You can do this any way you want. In Korea, I made these really nice squares of colored paper that I pinned to my bulletin board at home.

On the top of each square I would write the title, like “Writing,” and under that I would list the things I could do to advance the goal I had for it.

In writing I might have; writing, reading how-to novels, novel research, editing, critiquing or reading others’ critiques. For blogging I have; write blog posts, edit existing drafts, take pictures, comment and network on other sites, and improve my site overall.

In crafting I have; knit, work on paper project, and make journal layouts. For D&D; write an adventure, work on my campaign, work on my characters for the games, watch DM how-tos online, and read the guidebooks.

Each of those things would help me work towards whatever goal I had in mind. You could make more concrete steps in a sequential order, or have only one or two or ten or twenty items you could do. It’s up to you and what your needs are.

You can have these as notes on your computer desktop, as physical paper on your wall or in a planner, or whatever works for you. I love this system because I have one up top prominently displayed that I’m very interested in at that moment, but if I lose interest, I move it out and move another up. There’s no guilt and there’s no pressure because I know it’ll come back around. For multipotentialites, forcing interest past its natural curve is nearly impossible, and often causes us to lose that interest altogether when it’s been tainted by guilt. So don’t do that.

I highly encourage you to try it. Even if making stuff isn’t your shizz, just making sticky notes on your computer that you’ll see when you start your day can be enough. It doesn’t have to be fancy. It just has to work for you.

If you give it a shot, let me know! What are your Focus areas?

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Annual Writing Review 2017

Audra Edmonson1 Comment

This is an assessment of all the writing I did in 2017.

I got this idea from Rachel Geisel, a woman whose blog I love, and whose Writer’s DNA course was fantastic. She got the idea originally from Nicole Gulotta, so it’s a long cycle of paying-it-forward. I love when bloggers do that.

My writing year of 2017 was…interesting, as I’m sure could be said about any writing year. Some things went well, some things did not. I did the whole free download separately, but here’s an overview of my year.

Let’s break it down.

What I Wrote

Creatively: This blog, parts of a fantasy novel, a horror novel, a military/historical novel, many poems (10+), journal (almost every day, hurray!)

Work-related: Lesson plans, PPTs, began template and information for teacher handbook, safety protocols, procedures for; summer camp, filling out forms

Edited: Work procedures, work announcements, work newsletter, memoirs for a friend, creative material for a family member, several posts on Scribophile

What Went Well

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NaNo – I won, third year in a row!

Blogging – I launched it, and wrote several posts I was really proud of. Most of all, I enjoyed it. I love blogging. I’m not in this for the money (of course that would be nice) but I don’t market or advertise or worry too much about that. I just love writing and posting and getting in the community.

Poetry – I’ve started writing, for lack of a better word, poetry. I have no reason to do this, but I wanted to, so I made that my reason. I have an idea to delve into the hows and mechanics of it later, but for now, I’m thoroughly enjoying myself. And joy is what writing is to me. How awesome is that?

Craft Study: I read a bunch of really good books on writing. I’ll make a list sometime in the future, but reading about the craft really helped me. I’ve never believed you can just sit down and write well, but that practice and refining and honing writing is a skill like any other. I also did a brief novel-study session that I’m excited to try again; it involves reading novels you love and analyzing them, first broadly and then scene by scene to get a feel for why the story works (or where it doesn’t). Hello, homework that requires reading? Yes, please.

I found out that I write best in the morning and around seven at night. I used Scrivener almost exclusively for creative work, and it’s been incredible.

What Could Have Gone Better

NaNo – I wrote fifty thousand words, but they weren’t all for one story, or even all in story. I counted my journaling as well since I decided to be a rebel this year. But honestly, the health issues happening meant I couldn’t focus easily, and journaling was therapeutic, so I counted that as slightly more important than focusing on one story. But still, fifty thousand words…

Blogging – It could always be better. I stopped entirely after my health crisis, which is to be expected. And I would like a better “author” blurb and my about page always gives me nightmares, but published is better than perfect, and it’s live and published.

Creative Writing: I left all those novels undone. Some half done, some mostly done, some in their infancy. I didn’t finish another book this past year. I’d like to pick some of them back up, but some of them I realized weren’t the story I was trying to tell, so they’ll be let go.

Community: I didn’t use Scribophile as much as I would have liked. I did a few critiques and received a few that were insanely helpful, but I couldn’t keep it up. I also tried getting a partner, but that petered out after a while as well. I wanted to join a writing circle, but there wasn’t a decent one around my area in Korea. This year, I hope to find a writing circle for real, face-to-face feedback and interaction with other writers. I need feedback and accountability.

Looking Ahead

For 2018, my main writing goals are:

  • Write every day* – blog AND creative
  • Feel good about what I write, even sucky first drafts
  • Join a writing group
  • Get more feedback – via group or some site like Scribophile or Fictionpress
  • Edit a story in full, on paper (didn’t have access to a printer in Korea so this one will be fun!)
  • Finish more stories
  • Write more short stories
  • Write more poetry
  • Read more about the craft

If you’re a writer, I strongly recommend doing Nicole’s Review. It’s been enlightening and uplifting to actually assess my writing year, even the parts that didn’t go as planned.

Happy writing!

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*I’ve set my goal at fifty words a day, a very small number by most standards. Usually, I end up writing anywhere from 500-1000 naturally, but I’ve been doing mini-habits, the technique created by Stephen Guise in his book, Mini-Habits, and this way, on the days when I can barely function, I know I can succeed at my goal by writing just fifty words. Always go for the win.

Read my review for Guise’s latest book, How to Be an Imperfectionist, here.

Excerpts from my journal; Early June 2017

Audra Edmonson4 Comments

June 1

I have no clocks because I don’t like to be reminded of the passage of time. I don’t remember what the book was called, but something I read once talked about how we took power away from God when we made clocks and set them up as our new idols, forever worshipping the efficient use of time. Killing time, spending time, allocating time; all new ideas that turned time into currency, to be bought and sold, and, most condemning of all, wasted. The notion that we could waste the seconds, that they somehow should be wrung out for all they are worth, is not ingrained in the human psyche. Rather, it was invented along with clocks. The ticks, so arbitrary in reality, march our lives along to a beat, and woe to the one who steps out of line to admire the view. He will be crushed beneath the march of the future.

So I don’t keep clocks. The ticking drove me mad. I can’t sleep when I hear ticking, thinking of all the time I’m not sleeping, not using well, but lying awake as the hours tick by. You could drive me insane quite easily if you stuck me in a room with a clock. So I don’t keep them.

Going along the highway and being able to absorb the ads and billboards is like having your finger on the pulse of the culture. When I’m in a bus riding down the Korean highway system, I don’t have my finger there. I can’t feel it. Usually. Today I was able to (probably) correctly translate a phone company billboard. It said something like “Customers are family too.” It’s the kind of inane, cliche thing billboards usually say. It was weird, because in that moment something shifted in my perspective. All the mystery and attractiveness of foreign life flickered, shuttered, began to fall. The mystery is being shaken slowly down, until life in Korea becomes as commonplace and media-saturated as America was.

June 4

As soon as I sat down all my words dried up. The words that had percolated with the coffee while I was washing the dishes, that swirled and seemed ready to drip down my fingers, slid back up with gale force speed as soon as my digits headed for the keyboard. Is it because I forgot to close the cupboard doors?

Getting lost is not something to romanticize. Getting lost is scary and dangerous. What if you ask the wrong type of person? What if no one knows? What if no one will try to speak your language and you end up staying out all night? Getting lost is scary.

Who stopped by during the night to gurgle and wake me up, and drop me off a feeling of desolation? This is why I shouldn’t read about deserts first thing in the morning. I get all dried up.

And there is a bubbling sensation in my left shin. Like something has been blocked. Maybe I just need to exercise, or maybe I walked too much. It’s hard to say.

My body is only a vehicle for my head, after all.

I dreamed of a sunburn and blistered skin last night. I looked it up today to see what it meant. Dreammoods.com said “To dream that you have a sunburn indicates that there is an emotional situation or problem that you can no longer avoid. Some urgent matter is literally burning through to your soul and demanding your immediate attention.” Well that’s true. I have an external and an internal problem. Externally I am worried I might be deported. There is talk, and lots of teachers at some Canadian schools have been. So there’s that. Mostly I am afraid of dealing with a lot of stuff. Not the actual event itself. I would live, and it would be amazing writing material.

Then there is the matter of if I were, what to do with my life. That is always an internal situation, but this threat makes it seem more real, more immediate, thrust the question into the forefront of my brain. That frontal cortex so famous for making us rational beings. Anyway it was a burning question yesterday, so my brain turned it into a weird sunburn on my back and pus-filled blisters on my chest. I tried to go deeper into meaning but blisters didn’t turn up anything useful.

I listened to a sermon about Joseph and dreams today. I wondered if any of my dreams are like his, showing me my future. Or are they just my brain turning problems into pretty metaphors and the result of too much pork?

June 6

I just ordered pizza online. This is a huge moment in my expat life. I have never EVER ordered food by myself to be delivered. I have had friends call for me, and have gone to pick up food oodles of times, but this is my first time doing it all alone. I am stupidly nervous and proud. What if they ask me something in Korean? It will be okay. I am telling myself it will be okay.

They said they will deliver around 3:24. Seems oddly precise.

Travel writing. What is it? The definition I just found on Google says it is writing in which the author describes places they have visited and their experiences while traveling. Or something. Am I a travel writer? No. I don’t really travel. I just happen to live in a foreign country. But I do not travel around and have experiences on purpose. They happen more or less by accident. Just as interesting.

Take, for instance, that fear that many people have that when they are out and about everyone is watching them. If you’re a foreigner in Korea, that’s not just idle paranoia, but a fact of life. You either perpetually hate it or end up resigned to it.

June 8

This morning on my way to work I dropped my trash off. I hate taking out my trash. For one thing, I’m always scared my landlord will come and yell at me that I’m doing it wrong. For another, I have to walk by the convenience store and other shops there, and it’s weird to do something as personal and gross as taking out the trash so publicly. Like anyone sitting outside the convenience store has to watch stanky trash go by. Way to ruin the ice cream and chatting, yo.

At one point, I hated taking the trash out so much I had about six bags on my balcony, and had to take them out all at once on a weekend. I decided never again, and have since just taken them out like a danged adult in the mornings. Paying the bills is another danged adult thing I dread. It’s easy, really. We pay at that same convenience store, and there’s a nice young kid who does it in the morning. But I have to do it before work, and usually I’m just not up for anyone saying anything to me at all. I wish he didn’t speak English, because then the exchange could be in silence. Much like going to the cafe down the road.

June 9

Amazing how quickly a mood can go from great to terrible in the space of five minutes. Just give me three thousand questions from five kids and that’ll do it.

Today is Friday. Thank God It’s Friday. On the one hand, it’s really nice having a consistent daily schedule. On the other hand, it sucks feeling like you only get to live on the weekends and for about 3 minutes every night.

I bought a new ergonomic bag for my trip to New Zealand. It’s just as silly as it sounds. It has a billion pockets and zips in such a way that doesn’t let hooligans MUG ME. Come at me, bro! My zippers are body side and protected. It’s really only for the one trip, and maybe camping if I ever go. B said I should wear it in Seoul. That’s a laugh and a half. You don’t dare be unfashionable in that city.

June 11

I am writing in the early morning, around 10am, and it feels good. It feels flowing and natural. 6am might be too early, but 9 or 10 feels just right. Coffee in me, juice at hand, food in my belly.

Keep it locked up tight, the worries. Don’t borrow from tomorrow.

“This is being a writer. This is being a real  writer. Forging ahead. Figuring it out. Working with zero budget and borrowed minutes from an already-busy life. Not knowing if you’ll get that dream agent, or if your book will ever be a bestseller, but sitting down in front of the page anyway  to make the sentence in front of you the most beautiful sentence that it can be.” – Lauren Sapala

This amazing quote will help me forever. Thanks, Lauren!

June 12

Today is going pretty well. I have a lot of extra time since we’re doing nothing but testing this week in LA. I should have lots of time to write and read. I could also be working on Summer Camp stuff. Oh yeah.

Well anyway.

Let’s see how creativity goes at school. I might read a book. I might write a new story. I might do none of those things. But whatever I do, I want to do it nicely and gratefully and not worry or stress out too much.

This week does feel a bit like a copout week. Like even the classes without a test feel like they should be lax, easy, not real, where I can sit and just relax. 

I just sent off my reports cards. It felt pretty anticlimactic. There wasn’t the feeling of intense pressure to get it done. That’s down to my incredible planning skills. I had as much of it done as I could do a couple weeks ago, and added in what I got when I got it. No hurry, no worry. Of course some of the teachers were late getting their grades to us, but we expect it by now, so we can plan in their lack of planning.

June 13

Last night was strange. My dreams were intense, but I can only remember part of one. At one point I woke up slick with sweat. Actually dripping. I don’t know if it was from the heat or some brief illness. Either way, I had to strip, and so then woke up cold around five. Interesting night. I feel okay now though. I did my meditation as soon as I could and listened to part of a TED talk from Ann Lamott. I’m really getting into TED. They’re bursts of inspiration for life.

I also found out I’m a multipotentialite, which is a word I love. Emilie Wapnick is my new hero. I’m excited to delve into that topic and explore more. I keep finding out that I’m not as weird or crazy or flightly or spastic or lost as I thought, but just very very different.

I kind of don’t like that though. I’m getting tired of finding out I’m super different than the world. I’m going to have a list after my name of all the reasons why I don’t fit in and am NOT LIKE YOU. INFJ. HSP. MP. When will it end? And I hate that this is a concern but I feel like I’m trying really hard to justify myself, and no one is going to take it seriously. Oh my gosh, they will say, you have so many things special about you. You must be the most unique snowflake to ever sputter and fall from the sky.