Category: Identity

The Limiting Beliefs of Multipotentialites Who Want It All: Guest Post by Gallantly, Gal

Audra Edmonson12 Comments

I met Gal of Gallantly, Gal in the blogosphere a year or two ago. It started with us commenting on each other’s posts, learning we were very similar, and developing a fast friendship from there. I love her aesthetic and gentle but powerful voice, and she’s here today to discuss a pitfall many multipotentialites fall prey to. Take it away, Gal!

I always knew that there were so many things I wanted to do in life. I primarily consider myself a writer, but I also love to sketch, draw comics, sing, direct, edit, and so much more. All the possibilities make me feel like I am spinning around and around until I am dizzy and confused. It can be overwhelming to have so many interests. What if I only have enough time to be average all-around? I thought that I had to figure out a direction; I also thought choosing one path would close me off to everything else, which brought out my inner commitment phobe.

However, that second part is the limiting belief. Life and the people in it made me think I could only choose one direction in life and go from there. Why wouldn’t I fear commitment, then?

But then I realized they were only half-right for people like me, and it was refreshing to learn what exactly people like me were. Audra was the one to introduce the multipotentialite to me. She learned about it from Emilie’s Ted Talk. And I plan to pass it onto others, too. This type of information has to be shared! A multipotentialite is “someone with many interests and creative pursuits.”

That is me. And that’s totally okay! Perhaps that’s why writers, actors, producers Tina Fey and Mindy Kaling are my role models. The one path for life works for some and it doesn’t for others, like all things in life. There are rules and there are exceptions, and sometimes they even come in 50/50 ratios. I don’t know the percentage of multipotentialites in the world, but I believe that more and more are coming out into the world with some comfort and ease.

However, most of society still expects people to have one goal in mind. Multipotentialites are told, “You can’t do it all.” And this is not entirely wrong. I can’t be pulling myself into multiple directions maniacally. I get that. I am resigned to the fact that some interests will remain hobbies that I won’t ever truly excel at on an expert level.

At the same time, this is a limiting belief. It immediately stops me in my track. I allow it to hold me back. I get scared because I see all these paths before me. This is not a normal fork in the road. This fork has got 1,000 tines laid out before me as multiple walkways of life. I am told I can only go on one, and there may be no crossover with other roads. There just isn’t enough time and opportunity for that. After all, someone who drops their successful law career after fifteen years to open up a food truck is looked at as if he or she is completely bonkers. This is not a game with a reset option that allows me to materialize back at the fork to try a different pathway.

I know that in a way this is my own mindset limiting myself. I am exaggerating on what I am told or even using others as an excuse for my self-limits out of fear, but I am someone who finds words to be one of the most powerful things in the universe. Words are the ones that form limiting beliefs, and these limiting beliefs are the thoughts that dictate every single thing I do.

So I want to make an adjustment to the “You can’t do it all” decree. I want to turn it into something healthier and more constructive by adding just two words: “You can’t do it all at once.”

What I mean to say is, “You can do it all someday.”

The people telling me to pick one path were half-right. Pick one path for now. Have one goal for now. I also have to give credit to and have trust in the people who advise me that picking something right now is not an end all be all, because there are such wise people in my life, as well.

This is an oath I wrote to myself one day when I found myself drowning in self-doubt:

“I’m always saying there’s so much I want to do that I’m too overwhelmed to do anything. I don’t know where to start. But here’s the thing. If I don’t start somewhere, I won’t be able to get all of that done. Not even that I won’t get anything done—I won’t get ALL of it done. And I want all of it. And so that will be my goal—to do all of it. Not think of limiting myself, but finding a place to start. Then I will keep moving forward, conquering land north, south, east, west, until I’ve gathered and pulled into my circle everything I’ve ever wanted.


It is so easy to forget, to shrivel up, to want to give up, to just wallow in this emotion or that emotion, to compare, and more, but with this promise I will be who I need to be for myself.”


So believe that you can do it–all of it. Whether your dreams are to be an astronaut and professional equestrian… Okay, wait. Yeah, sure, why not? Don’t let the limits of age, education, experience, social standing, or any of that stop you. Especially do not let people’s expectations of what is “standard,” “normal,” “practical,” or “to be expected” stop you, either. They can keep on flappin’ their lips while you dance toward your dreams as starry-eyed as you please!

Embrace all of your interests. Show each of them love and attention. Because they all make up who you are, and I know, without a doubt, you are wonderful and you can have all you ever wanted someday. As long as you start now.

Thanks so much Gal! I encourage you to check out her blog. It’s so pretty, and she has a lot of great insights and fun features.

Designing My life

Audra EdmonsonLeave a comment

Have you read Designing Your Life by Dave Evans and Bill Burnett? If you haven’t, you should. Yes, it’s another plan your life and that life will be good self-help montage, more or less, but this one was written by actual designers. Like, Stanford Engineer designers, so they know a thing or two about designing…everything. Being me, of course, I had to add another self-help book to my list and got it immediately.

Life design is something I’ve been doing unconsciously for absolutely years. I mean, what else has all the productivity-blogging and self-help-book-reading and passion-planning and goal-setting been for?

What cracked me up is the part in the book where they ask you to plan out three parallel lives that you could see yourself doing, and then figure out what resources, time commitment, and investment you’d need to make to have that life.

I laughed out loud because I’ve already done that, except I have about ten parallel lives, vastly different from each other, that I could see myself living. It is kind of nice, in a way, because I know I could be happy in each of those lives, but there again is the choice paralysis many of us face when presented with multiple options. I don’t know which one to pursue first. (This might be why the authors have you only pick three – choice paralysis happens less frequently with fewer options because opportunity cost will be lower.)

The whole point of the exercise is to expand your options and to help you realize that no matter which one you pursue first, it doesn’t matter. Just pick one, and that life will be good. We all have different lives available in us, and we’ll never know which one is “best” (hint hint; there is no best) so just pick one.

Ha. Easier said than done.

Let’s take a look.

My Five Plans

Writer

I see myself being a writer like my hero S.J Maas. I was reading her on fictionpress.com way back in the day before she became an NYT Bestselling Author. I remember reading Throne of Glass in its early days, and it was very different than the one that was published. The bones were there, but in the intervening years she edited and changed a lot. That’s how writing goes, and every time I think of her journey I get excited because I feel like I could do that too.

I see myself in my office, with journals of notes, a bulletin board with deadlines and events and tours and pictures; spending time writing, drinking tea, starting out my window as I ponder my story…

Yes, I can see myself doing that. I can also see myself writing short fiction, blogging, writing courses for empaths and other sensitive types, creating new RPGs and modules for D&D, and a whole bunch of other writing type things. I’ll never stop writing, but being a writer is a bit different. There are different investments required*.

Coach

The idea of being a life coach keeps creeping up on me. It started about a year ago, back in Korea, and has been in the back of my mind like a niggling worm ever since. I was really gung-ho about it at first, of course, and lost interest when my health declined, but I’ve been thinking about it again recently.

Even in my writing, I’ve always wanted to show people there’s a better world for them. Books showed me that, and my big why as a writer has always been about helping people realize their own magic. Coaching is another way to do this. I love it when my friends share their dreams with me, and I love the nitty-gritty of getting down to actions plans and steps and the how-to of dreams. So coaching has always seemed another natural option for me.

I could see myself doing that. Having an office with a filing cabinet for clients, having an appointment schedule book, emailing about packages and questions, skyping with clients and suggesting action plans and tools and books and exercises…

Non Profit RPG/GM Organizer

Another idea that’s bounced around in my head enough times for me to pay attention to it is starting my own non-profit that helps kids learn how to run RPGs. Or start my own chapter of 826 in my area.

This goes back to the whys mentioned earlier; helping people see their own magic. I give this choice of words carefully too, because I really believe that people are capable of their wildest dreams (the magic of life, right?), and I want everyone to be able to achieve that.

And hearing about kids getting into these creative endeavors, creating whole worlds, participating in stories together, learning serious life skills through fun…that just seems like a really important thing to be a part of.

Also I love kids and made a pretty awesome teacher, and I think leading a Game Master workshop would be epic.

(But the title needs some work. Organizer? Workshopper? Leader? Center? League?)

Game Designer/Writer

Going back to the writing front, I’ve also considered being a writer for games. I love D&D so much I think working at Wizards of the Coast (which is just around the corner from where I was born so, hello, fate) would be the most epic job of all.

I can imagine sitting down with a think tank of nerds and brainstorming the next big campaign book, the next batch of monsters, the next iteration of D&D itself…yeah, I dream about that a lot.

And if not D&D, then maybe another game company. I could write dialogue and quests, creating a dozen different threads for each player action, and twining them all sinuously until they meet perfectly at the final boss…

Homemaker

Equally as appealing as the other lifestyles, being a stay at home mom is at least a phase I’d like to experience, if not live out, sometime in my life. I plan on having kids, and I plan on raising them to the best of my knowledge and experience as a teacher, creator, empath, and nerd (oh yeah, my kids will be playing D&D as soon as they can talk, yo). 

But, of course, alongside that I’ll still be writing, crafting, coaching, and doing everything else, it will just have the volume turned down on it. 

—

You know, it was really interesting to write this post. It was really interesting to see how so many of the lives I could plan out, while vastly different, have this one underlying thread. Helping people see their own magic. And the thing is, there could be a hundred other jobs that satisfy that requirement that I don’t even know about! But five is enough to be getting on with, and as I mentioned in the beginning, choice paralysis is real, and the best advice is to take a step in any direction, rather than stand still.

So the first lilypad, then, is and will be writing. 

And now I’ll toss the ball to you. What lives have you imagined? I urge you to do this exercise and see what comes up, especially if you find, like me, the same impetus behind each desired life. 

Happy hunting, friends.

*On that front, I have some very exciting news coming up soon!

Hello, I’m a Feminist.

Audra Edmonson1 Comment

Dangerous. Subversive. Radical. Selfish. Sensual. Worldly. Evil. Shameful. Shameless. Foolish. All words used to describe feminism in my circles.

Growing up, feminism was a bad word in my community. Church, family, and friends alike treated the word and people who identified with it as either criminally naive or just plain evil.

It was in this atmosphere I grew up, independent, fiercely sure of my own worth and intelligence, but also firmly aware of my place in the world.

I’ve been a feminist for a while, but it took me quite a long time to accept the word. Accept, and them embrace.

At first, I was careful. I believed in equality, I stressed. Not women’s superiority, so it wasn’t really feminism. Never mind that I had never done a lick of research into feminism. Never mind that the only things I heard about feminism were from its opponents. Feminism was a bad thing. Like liberalism. Destroying America, and the family, and worldwide faith.

So in the beginning, I was careful. Not real feminism, but equality. Women could do anything. They just shouldn’t do…certain things. It wasn’t right. 

But that didn’t mean we were unequal. Nope. No way. Oh, dear young self. Dear many, many younger selves who are stuck in this loop.

I am feminist now. Adamantly so. I take issue with how women are portrayed in media, how words associated with the feminine are used, and how the idea of the female has been relegated to a secondary status in almost all areas of life.

I’m not starting a lecture. I’m not going to get in a debate or list all the ways women have been subdued or oppressed. It’s not my time for that. For now, for the first thing, I’m just declaring what I am. I am a feminist.

One Year Later

Audra Edmonson5 Comments

It always surprises me how quickly a year goes by. Today, December 22, marks the one year anniversary of the day I came back from Korea. If you haven’t been around, I had an epic health meltdown that prompted my quick return, and this past year has been one of healing, discovery, and baby steps on the path to…well, something. The future, but that sounds cheesy.

Taking stock, I’ve done a hell of a lot this year.

You can see that in between the small things, life has taken a quick upswing in momentum. I got a job, a car, and a new home all within about four months, and those were four of my five big milestones for my life I wrote back at the beginning of this year.

One year later, everything is coming up roses. I’m still stressed out about money and life and the future and everything, but I’m learning to live with that fear. I’m learning to walk with it instead of constantly fighting it, and overall, I’m feeling eager, hopeful, and curious about life. If this past year has taught me anything, it’s that life can change in a day, and what you thought would be the trajectory of your life is but the next ten feet in the fog, and you really, really can’t see beyond that.

This next year, I have so, so many plans, and some of those will succeed and most of them will fail, but always, I will strive to fail better, and so life will go on.

Happy New Year, friends, and happy anniversary to me.

I Failed, and That’s a Good Thing

Audra Edmonson2 Comments
Fall Berries

Well, We All Fall Down

Remember my four-month check-in? I was doing so well. I had those nice preprinted habit trackers that I filled in faithfully each day, getting a jolt of pleasure every time I checked one off. It was addicting to be so fruitful, and I felt like I was making good progress. Towards what, I didn’t know. Recovery, in a sense, as by the time four months was up, I was well enough to start going out and thinking about getting a job.

A job. Well, I do have a job now, and I’m very, very grateful. It’s even full-time, which means I get health insurance; my biggest financial concern.

Here’s the thing though, once I started job hunting, my habits shut down. Now, I’m not one for excuses *cough cough*, but there are a few reasons.

An Irresponsibility of Excuses

Firstly, I stopped using the preprinted habit trackers. I made my own for May in a different format, which worked reasonably well, but it wasn’t easy to see the markers, and I wasn’t as into it as the others. It just didn’t give the same satisfaction. Then I got less interested in bullet journaling, as has happened before, and stopped tracking them at all, relying on what I hoped were well-enough ingrained habits to keep me going. Turns out they weren’t very ingrained.

Thirdly, in June I got a pretty bad case of vertigo. I think it was a headcold messing up the fluid in my inner ears, because it lasted for quite a while, and while it was bad, I stopped doing yoga and meditation, since closing my eyes made my head spin. It was hard to concentrate, and I started looking for a job around the same time, which took all the energy I could muster.

Then there was the job search itself. I applied online and in person for about six weeks before I heard anything, and it was about two months of looking overall. The stress was impressive, and while I didn’t have a full relapse, thank heavens, I let a lot of others things slide.

Failure Is A Great Teacher

I failed to keep up my habits. I failed to make them stick, to keep up my good streak. Add to that the compounded guilt of making new habits and restarting it all and everything else kind of slipped away too. This blog, for instance. I stopped logging in to Habitica. I stopped exercising and put on weight. All I could do was work, and think about work, and zone out after work from sheer exhaustion.

But you know what? It’s okay. It was even good. Because I needed to fail, and fail hard, to see what had worked and what would work again, and what wouldn’t.

It’s good because now it’s September again, a time of refreshing for me. I have always begun anew mentally in September when the weather begins to change, rains come, and Mabon nears (autumn equinox). As we celebrate the waning of the year,  I celebrate a revitalized interest and energy in improvement. In change.

Celebrate Renewal

  • I set up Habitica once again.
  • I collected rainwater to symbolize refresh.
  • I made a list of projects to work on, and plans for each one.
  • I forgave myself for messing up.
  • I developed a new mindset about work (mainly, that it has no right to stress me out).

These small things have meant that last Saturday, I awoke for the first time in a long time with hope for myself. I have felt a weight of unknown-ness, a pressure that my life wasn’t where I wanted it. I felt underemployed, and useless, packing books on interesting subjects for other people who must be doing so much more for themselves than I was.

I packed books on performance and storyboarding for people who must be getting amazing jobs making stories in Hollywood, books on physics for people who must love it, and be working in labs making a difference, books on business for all the amazing people who must be starting their own businesses, as I longed to.

And books on writing, the same books I’d read or wanted to read, for people who must be actually writing at home, instead of watching TV and dreaming their lives away…

But Saturday I awoke with hope, and forgave myself, and made a plan, and followed through.

And it’s all very, very good.

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