a poem: earl grey

Earl grey tea has a
great meaning to me
i first had it when i was a teenager,
sitting on the old, rough blue couch with the small
embroidered orange triangles,
reading On Langauge by Mario Pei,
that bastard, so in love with language
he infected me with it for years,
anyway i was sitting out with my mom,
which was unusual since i almost always
stayed in
my room alone
and i had bought this tea
because i wanted to be cs lewis, i think,
or something so i wanted tea
but i was a luzianne kid, raised by
an army brat mom from florida and a
dad from lousiana who had sweet tea in his
veins from his momma, so we only had luzianne
and sometimes lipton but lipton was bad quality
we knew.
earl grey was exotic, poor little me,
thinking it was exotic, i laugh now but
it was an eye-opening experience
only on my tongue so what do we call that?
tongue opening? awakening? lifting soaring lilting
the bitterness making my mouth pucker so slightly
the orange so slick and sweet, just a hint,
and the smell, like old books, or maybe that was just Pei
sneaking in again, the old bastard,
and i fell in love with two things, that night sitting
in the old blue couch
languages and tea,
and my mind was on fire from both.

 

-a.e

a poem: here and elsewhere

When I read or write, I am there and elsewhere.
I am there, sitting or lying, reading or writing.
There in my body, I am.
But I am also elsewhere, and sometimes I don’t recognize myself at all.
I don’t see my hands as part of me. They are ghosts, making words.
The words themselves are more real than the sounds or black shapes that make them.
The flow of energy that words create is the only real force.
The flashes of feelings and images half-formed in my head as I read are more real than the texture of the pages or the tapping of my finger against the screen.
It’s a strange sensation, to be here and elsewhere. To be not entirely in myself.

-a.e

a poem: between

(Written a few days before the New Year)

There is some hanging in the air today.
Something amongst the wind in the willow
Something resting between gusts
Something waiting
Coming
A storm
The new year twirling
Green sticks
Waving, flapping,
Too light on this dark day
Overcast, chill,
Willows are not happy trees
They mourn
They sigh
Perpetually complaining
But today something is hanging between the breaths
Of their sighs.
And I am holding my breath
Waiting.

-a.e

a poem: small blue half-oval

Small blue half-oval
Here I am now
On medication
For the first time
I feel like I’ve crossed a line
between the normals
And the ones who need
Medication
To live in this world
How sad
That we can’t just live
But need to trick our brains
Into thinking we CAN live
When we CAN’T
Live just ourselves
Too sad to think of
Where did the world go wrong
When it invented medication
Or the maladies before
Chicken or egg
The small blue pill
But only half at night
It sits on my bedside table
A small blue robin’s egg
A small blue judgment
Sitting next to me
So I can sleep
And not dream of knives
And guilt and shame
Then the small white ovals
Each morning
To keep my heart from
Thinking I am always
Dying
When really I’m just
Scared

-a.e