a poem: small blue half-oval

Small blue half-oval
Here I am now
On medication
For the first time
I feel like I’ve crossed a line
between the normals
And the ones who need
Medication
To live in this world
How sad
That we can’t just live
But need to trick our brains
Into thinking we CAN live
When we CAN’T
Live just ourselves
Too sad to think of
Where did the world go wrong
When it invented medication
Or the maladies before
Chicken or egg
The small blue pill
But only half at night
It sits on my bedside table
A small blue robin’s egg
A small blue judgment
Sitting next to me
So I can sleep
And not dream of knives
And guilt and shame
Then the small white ovals
Each morning
To keep my heart from
Thinking I am always
Dying
When really I’m just
Scared

-a.e

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