Meditation: Finding the Serene Blue Sky

se·rene

səˈrēn/
adjective
  1. calm, peaceful, and untroubled; tranquil.
    “her eyes were closed and she looked very serene”
  2. (in a title) used as a term of respect for members of some European royal families.
    “His Serene Highness”

noun

archaic
  1. an expanse of clear sky or calm sea.
    “not a cloud obscured the deep serene”

One of my Core Desired Feelings this Season is Serene. I want to feel that tranquility, that clear blue sky in my mind and soul with no clouds to obscure the clarity.

Meditation finds that blue sky. Or rather, helps remind me that it’s there. When the day is overcast, or storming, or snowing, or full of birds, it’s hard to remember it’s even there.

Think about the actual sky. You don’t think about it most times. You notice when there’s interesting weather, or you intentionally stop and look, but you don’t live in a state of neck-breaking upturned focus. Nor should you. But it’s always good to remember there’s the blue sky above the storms.

That’s what meditation is like. When I sit in my chair and close my eyes, my mind is a turbid storm, most days. But in breathing, in silence, in just focusing on sensation and letting thoughts come and go, I find that blue sky. I remember it, and it’s there.

One step closer to serenity.

Meditation, for me, is very straightforward. I find I can’t control my thoughts most of the time. They come, I follow, usually to worry. They go, I forget why I entered rooms. When I’m watching TV, it’s like they aren’t there at all. When I’m in the flow of a project, it’s like the blue sky is all around me. So meditation helps me control them. It’s an exercise of the mind. Even willpower, in a way. Focusing on thoughts to change them, to recognize them, to find patterns, is hard at first. It was nearly impossible for me. But with practice, I got much better.

I don’t light candles or sit on a special cushion or listen to music or hold my hands up or do anything like that. I could. But I don’t need to.

I use an app, Headspace, the best meditation app I’ve seen. It’s highly recommended (by Emma Watson – and it has my vote too). It’s very simple, very easy to understand, and very easy to use. They have basic packs to teach how to do it, because sitting in silence is not something we’re used to. They also have special packs for certain situations. I’m currently on the anxiety pack, and it’s been very helpful. But even if I just did the basics pack over and over again, it would be helpful.

Meditation sounds a lot like acupuncture to most people. Weird. New age. Slightly foreign. Not to be trusted. Useless. For hippies.

It’s become slightly more mainstream, to the point where my mother would try it (always the litmus test), but people still hesitate. Admitting it feels weird. I meditate. It hasn’t quite hit the okay-ness of yoga, but I think it’s creeping ahead of acupuncture.

Either way, this isn’t a paid promo for the app or anything. I just happen to really, really like it. I’d tried a few free Youtube meditations and they were okay, but the music was actually more distracting than I’d thought. And with Headspace, you get a lot of explanations for the various techniques. It’s also where I was introduced to the idea of the blue sky kind of mind.

Meditation has helped me. One of my habits this year is to meditate every day. In good weather or bad, learning to control my thoughts is important.

Do you meditate?

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Definition from Dictionary.com

 

a poem: soul functions of writers

soul functions, like bodily functions,
cannot and should not be controlled
repressed or held back.
i try to explain what it’s like to be a writer
to imaginary people who ask, since one day
i imagine i will be a writer and people will ask.
i tell this imaginary person that i write because
there are things inside of me that must come out.
like when you have to puke or sneeze.
if you try to stop that, your body will revolt.
and it will happen anyway.
not writing what’s inside of you is like that, but
a bit more delayed. maybe.
if you don’t write what’s there, it will stay inside.
and instead of going out nicely onto a page,
cleanly
it will come out in other ways.
you will puke your guts up onto a person,
a relationship, a job, yourself, breathing in
terrible vice, alcohol, junk food, dating,
bad tv,
because you can’t breathe in anything else.
words going out are your oxygen, so
breathe in deep friends, bring it out.
bring out the cancer inside and put it
nicely onto this page, where it becomes
something clean.
a true metamorphosis.
the alchemy of our time.

-a.e

A (Short) List of Interests: Multipotentialite Series

IMG_20171231_115651Interests1

And these are just the ones I have pictures of…

As a multipotentialite, I’ve had a looooong string of interests over the years. Here’s the short list. On my deathbed, I will have to do one of those dramatic things where I take out a small roll and it unfurls in leaps and bounds until it covers the room and the various assembled royalty and mourners (I’m assuming).

  • Writing
  • Woodworking
  • Travel
  • Learning Languages
  • Linguistics
  • Ukulele
  • Jewelry-making
  • Knitting
  • Asian Culture
  • Comic-making
  • Cartooning
  • Gardening
  • Doll-making
  • Sewing
  • Quilting
  • Anime/Manga
  • Herbalism
  • Natural Health
  • Dungeons and Dragons
  • Blogging
  • Sculpting
  • 2D Art (Painting/Drawing)
  • Paper Crafting
  • Baking
  • Calligraphy
  • Reading
  • Equestrian Sports (Jumping/Dressage/Showmanship/Western/English)
  • WWI and WWII History
  • Codes and Codebreaking
  • Computer Programming
  • Video Games
  • Bullet Journaling
  • Spinning and Weaving
  • Poetry
  • Fashion
  • Tea
  • Podcasting
  • Collecting Tea Towels
  • Photography

These are in no particular order, except where the first letter of the preceding word made me think of the next one, or one topic put me in mind of another one…

Either way, if you’re a multipotentialite (multipod), celebrate! What have you been interested in over the years?

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Being an Extroverted Introvert; or INFJ Struggles

I’m a secret introvert. Actually, I’m not, since I tell everyone I’m an introvert within a few hours of knowing me so they don’t get offended when I cancel plans. Also so I have an excuse for the many hours I spend at home. Unapologetically.

But people who don’t know me well enough to get the speech are usually surprised when I do tell them. They’d guess I was an extrovert if they thought about it at all. They see me as the cheery person who always has a bright smile when she says good morning, and can small talk with ease, and loves to laugh and can’t get through a conversation without making everything funny. Oh, and the one who isn’t chuffed about speaking in front of people. MC the Spelling Bee? No problem. Give a presentation later about the Wax Museum? Sure. Lead Summer Camp and head up all the meetings? Of course!

The truth is, I’m a very serious introvert. I need a lot of downtime. I need a lot of heads-up if we’re going to go out and do something. Or if you’re going to call me on a phone. (Please text.) I need to psych myself up to go outside and take the trash out. I love lying in bed all day. All those introvert things.

I guess I can explain it by telling you I’m an INFJ, a social chameleon and adaptor. I take on the personality of the people I’m with. With reserved people, I’m self-controlled. With organized, business-like types, I’m efficient and logical. With upbeat, fun-loving people, I’m loud and silly. I used to feel weird, like I was losing myself in the process. But I consider this a strength. I can relate to people due to my empathy by mirroring them. It’s totally unconscious, but it does mean that I’m generally liked by most people. (This has been told to me by many other people I’ve worked with/known, so I trust this is true.)

But… (there’s always a but)

Sometimes it pulls me in different directions. Sometimes I really do want to go out but I’ve already been out so I can’t go out. I’m like the eternal cat, never knowing whether it wants to be in or out, meowing loudly in existential pain because the OTHER side is always better.

Oh well. The fact that I can speak in public without fear is something I’m not going to question or take for granted. Thank you, exhibitionist genes.

Now let me out. No, wait, I want to go back in. No, wait…

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