Blue Blood Prologue

“Round, round, round we say,
Come the imps,
Come the fae.

Blue blood is finer,
But red blood is thick,
Best hop in your bed,
And to sleep be quick!”

The thwack-thwack of the rope punctuated the rhyme as the two girls breathlessly jumped together. Angie held on to her older sister’s waist as Bronwyn drew the rope around them, hopping in time to the beats of the old song.

They nearly got through it twice before Angie caught her heel on the rope, and they tumbled down, laughing. Angie bolted upright at once, but Bronwyn lay on the ground, leaves tickling her neck, and stared up at the canopy above her. Sunlight winked down, dazzling her eyes, and she sat up.

“Let’s play something else,” Angie said, kicking over a stone near them.

Bronwyn tugged the jump rope from under her and stood. “Like what?”

Angie considered, tugging on the ends of her fiery red hair, her dark eyes wandering around as she thought. “Explorer? We’ve never been all the way down this path. Let’s see what’s there.”

Bronwyn looked nervously down the path Angie was talking about. The forest of Glynneath wasn’t dangerous, at least, no more dangerous than any other forest, which is to say, probably a lot for unwary children, but she didn’t want to admit that her beloved forest ever scared her.

“Alright,” she said, looping the jump rope over her arm. “Just until it gets dark. We don’t want to get lost.”

Angie rolled her eyes as they started off. “You’re afraid, aren’t you? Afraid the old devils and imps will come get you? Like in the song?”

Bronwyn paled. She was already pale, and dark-haired, so unlike Angie with her freckles and red hair, whose moods were so easy to tell. No, Bronwyn burned white, and Angie burned red.

“I’m not afraid,” she said, hitting the jump rope on the ground. “But we could get lost. So there.”

“We won’t,” said Angie assuredly, walking forward and swinging her arms hugely in a display of bravado. “And if we do meet any demons, we can just play with them until they go away. They like to play.”

“They like to play and then eat people,” Bronwyn said under her breath as she followed, thinking of the dark and menacing fairy tales they had at home. The stories had always frightened her, but nobody else at school seemed to know the stories. All of their fairy stories were silly, light things, with fairies as little women in pretty dresses, or pixie-type creatures that could only do small mischief.

She shuddered as she thought of the fairies of her stories; the dark red fae, evil, selfish, and full of mischief, of the kind that involved blood and bone. There were other stories too, of blue fairies who were taller and more kind, who fought the red fairies, but were too weak. In every story, the red fae won. Bronwyn hated those stories. She wished she had never read them. Especially now, as they walked deeper into the woods, the trees becoming thicker and denser, so the light was dim, and she thought she saw grinning faces in the gloom between the trunks.

“Let’s go back,” she said to Angie, almost whispering, her heart beating fast, and her hand slick with sweat around the jump rope.

“Not yet,” Angie hissed back, but Bronwyn could see her face was pale too. She was as unnerved as Bronwyn.

“Look!” Angie cried suddenly, stopping so abruptly Bronwyn ran into her.

“What?” Bronwyn said irritably, following Angie’s pointing hand with her eyes. Bronwyn felt her breath catch as she saw what Angie was pointing at.

Ahead of them, in a small clearing in the trees, was a large ring of mushrooms.

“A fairy ring,” Angie breathed, her excitement evident.

“We should go back,” Bronwyn said at once, clutching at Angie’s sleeve. “Angie, come on. We should go.”

“Nonsense,” Angie said at once, shaking Bronwyn off and stepping nearer. “We should set up a table and chairs for them?”

“What?” Bronwyn said, astonished. “Set up a- are you crazy? Why?”

“What if they come while we’re here? Wouldn’t it be fun?”

Bronwyn stared at her sister. She thought, dazedly, if Angie had ever read those fairy stories she had, where no fairy was good, and some were very, very bad.

But Angie was already looking about for small stones, and Bronwyn could only watch as she gathered up an armful and dumped them into the ring, then sat down, right in the middle, to arrange them.

“Aren’t you going to help?” Angie said, looking over her shoulder.

Bronwyn shook her head, frozen in place, staring as Angie shrugged and went back to work. Angie had found several rocks that could serve as chairs, and piled smaller ones on top for seat backs. Then she took a flat one she had found, a large white stone, and set it on four small rocks for a table.

“There,” Angie said, standing and brushing her hands on her knees. She came to stand beside Bronwyn, looking down at her work. “Now they should come.”

“Well let’s not hang around to see,” Bronwyn said, her heart still jumping about like a scared rabbit in her chest. “It’s getting dark anyway. Let’s go, Angie. We can-” she cast around wildly for something that would convince Angie to leave. “We can come back tomorrow and check. I doubt the fairies will come right now while we’re here. They’re shy. Let’s check back tomorrow, hm?”

Angie considered for a moment before nodding. “Good idea. Let me just take this flower.”

She bent down to pick a small bunch of red flowers, and Bronwyn felt her heart, so rapidly beating before, stop. The flowers were Anagallis arvensis, Scarlet Pimpernel, which did not open in forests where no sun shone down. Bronwyn loved plants and knew this. So how on earth were these red flowers blooming so brightly here? She looked around and saw many more, fanning out around them, their faces all pointing to the two girls.

Bronwyn turned right around to look down the path, and red faces looked back at her as far as she could see.

“Angie,” she whispered, looking down the path, “put those back. Don’ take them. I think-”

She cut off as a loud thump sounded behind her. Terrified at what she might see, Bronwyn turned slowly, and let out a high scream as she saw Angie lying on the ground.

Her hand was still clenched around the bunch of pimpernel, the faces of which were turned to Bronwyn. Angie’s eyes were open, as was her mouth, but her eyes looked all wrong, too dark, almost black, and out of her mouth was sprouting more pimpernel. The flowers spread, and grew, racing along her sister’s body, tiny green shoots reaching for her…

 

Excerpts from my journal; 2016

April 

Zoom in and smoke is seeping between the windows and the wall. Someone is burning rubbish behind their house and it tickles our noses and turns my teaching voice raspy. It’s spring, a fit time to burn, since the smoke couldn’t possibly be worse than the drifts of pollution, yellow dust, from China. A sign of the change in me; I now have an app to tell me pollution levels, and check it obsessively. Will breathing kill me today?

October

I have decided to be like Ernest Hemingway, and write clear and hard about what hurts. Right now, my lower back hurts from doing the dishes. I had to do the dishes because in Korea dishwashers are only for the rich, and people wear rubber gloves because they have to do the dishes and don’t want to mess up their hands. So two more things that have changed since I came to Korea. I have started wearing rubber gloves when I wash dishes, and I care about what my hands look like.

Today I also had to scrub up some mold that had grown on the bottom of my utensil jar and had crept to the cutting board behind it. I wonder if the mold on the cutting board made me sick. I’m sick now, by the way. First time in a long time, and it’s the season. It’s also PTA week this week. I shall tell parents their children are progressing nicely through a clogged nose. That will add to my emotional appeal, if not my rational one.

I talked to two people today. I talked to the cashier at the bakery where I bought my dinner. I didn’t want to make tuna spaghetti, and that’s all I had, so I had to go out. The other person was my brother. I was supposed to play video games with him today but I got sick and had no energy. So I laid on my bed while he made pan-fried fish in America at 1am. We talked about getting old. We talked about life being boring. We talked about what we wanted for the future.

My lower back still hurts. Is that clear?

October 31

Happy Halloween! I work at a Christian school and wore ears for Halloween, and when the students asked me about it and I told them, one child told me that God hates Halloween. Okay, thank you, please let me wear my ears. Always a hard decision to make on how to address that.

Anyway, had my first D&D last night! It was amazing!!

Excerpts from my journal; Fall 2015

August

It’s the end of day two of lessons. I’m so utterly exhausted I can barely type. I’ve been to immigration twice now; yesterday after classes ended and today before my last class. And I still have to go again tomorrow. I don’t know if they’re telling me the truth or not, but they keep saying there are too many people so I have to come back. Now they’ve told me tomorrow morning before 9. So I’m going at 8:30 and oh well if I can’t get done. My co-worker is taking over my classes for the time being. I feel terrible about it but what can I do? I have to go. And I have to go soon or my health check will expire.

On the whole, classes are going as well as can be expected. We’ve had the schedule change twice now. Yesterday that meant that I had to suddenly teach a couple of classes with no preparation, but I muscled through them, and it’s not like the students can tell.

I have to keep reminding myself that they don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing, so if I go off lesson plan it’s okay. I will get used to things and be better. Because just the act of teaching is so new, I don’t have room to think of creative things to do with the material. I just lecture and make them do work mostly.

It’s very hard not having internet at home. I could do a lot more if I could work on it here. And hopefully tomorrow I can be done with immigration and have time after classes end.

I found the garbage area. I’m sure I did it wrong, but no one was around to yell at me so I did I anyway. I’ll figure it out or just keep doing it wrong.

August

Yesterday I had my first accosting. I was in the grocery store line and an elderly lady said hello and welcome to Korea and wasn’t I pretty? All in Korean, of course, so I just smiled and nodded and ignored her. That’s been it so far.

September

I feel like I’m getting to know the ahjussis who work at the CU downstairs. There’s the older guy who works in the morning most days who speaks very good English and always says “Good morning!” to me. He’s my favorite. He makes counting music when he counts my coins. Like a little song. But he doesn’t smile, so it’s even funnier. Then there are the two slightly younger older guys, maybe late thirties or early forties, who seem either scared of me or just so angry about working there that they border on being rude. Finally, the older guy who may be the owner who asked me if I just got paid when I gave him a fifty. No, sir, I just only have many fifties in my house.

The Missing Years: Dealing with a quarter-life creativity crisis

I recently watched Adam Westbrook’s video about the missing years on a recommendation from a friend. It changed my life. Sound dramatic? If you’ve been struggling as a twenty-something who feels you’re destined for something greater, or as a creative trying to jump to the successful period in your life, or as a graduate set adrift who feels lost, this will help you.

I’ve read a host of books about the dream life, the creative life, the twenty-something life, the productive life, the gritty life, the minimalist life, and any other book that might potentially give me the ultimate secret to finding my way. Almost every book I’ve read has given me some valuable nugget of wisdom. Slow down, everyone’s in the same boat, purpose is a by-product of pursuit, and many more. I could write a thousand blog posts about each grain of truth I’ve found.

But somehow I still feel like I’m wasting time. I’m twenty-five now. My twenties, the formative years, are half over. And I look at my dream of being an author and it still feels a decade off. I’VE WASTED TIME, I think in a panic. Only I haven’t. When I look back over my accomplishments in the last five years, they’re substantial (taught in Taiwan for a year, graduated university, moved to Korea fulfilling a dream, wrote and finished my first novel, started exercising, found amazing friends). Those are all good things that could not have happened any faster.

Now, on to the missing years. If you haven’t watched the video, here’s a brief summary. Culture, in the last few decades, has shifted to idolizing youth. Everything must happen when you’re young, including success and finding your life purpose. But that’s not how it is for the majority of people, and that’s not how it should be. Da Vinci, Van Gogh, and most other famous people had a period in their lives when they were just…working. Not famous, not making money, not necessarily even doing okay, just working. Da Vinci, hailed as the true renaissance man, had a period of time when he didn’t have a steady job and couldn’t really draw what he wanted. He worked a lot of bad jobs (sound familiar?) and kept sketching because he could. He just kept working on his craft even when it wasn’t paying the bills or wasn’t what he wanted to create.

Van Gogh, as we’re aware, lived a destitute life without fame. His work didn’t become well-regarded until much later.

Now ask yourself, if you knew that you would never be famous for what you love doing, whether that’s art, writing, or another creative pursuit, would you stop? If you were to become an Emily Dickinson, a recluse whose poems were only discovered after her death, would you still do it? Could you stop, really?

I asked myself that and realized I couldn’t. Even if I never make a dime off my writing, I’m still going to write.

So now, we come back to the missing years. I hate the idea of waiting. I hate the idea that I could publish ten books in the next ten years and maybe only the last one will get read widely. Maybe my writing career won’t take off until then, when I’m thirty-five or even forty-five. Would I stop writing now? The obvious answer is no. Of course not. If that were really the case, I’d bend down and start learning and practicing more.

But if we buy into the idea that we need to have instant success because we see others having it, we might throw everything away and relegate ourselves to a safe, secure, and ill-fitting career.

During the missing years, you have to keep working. Stop thinking about fame. It’s like the old adage of “love will kind you when you stop looking.” Fame will find you when you stop seeking it. Work hard, write or draw or whatever it is you do. Promote and market and hustle but let the result go. Don’t beat yourself up over low numbers. Build the habit of working hard. But never, ever stop.

Let those missing years guide you to your dream life, no matter how long it takes. I’m right there with you.

Signature

Video Series: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Excerpts from my journal; August 2015

August

My biggest memory of arriving in Korea is of sweat. I wore a sweater thing on the plane because it was freezing, but I didn’t take it off when I went through the airport, and when I got outside I felt the hot air rush towards me and my sweater with steamy caresses. Bless you, Korean air.

My friend who teaches at my school met me, and we took the airport bus back to our apartment. We live on the same floor. We also live above a convenience store, which is…convenient. That was our dinner. I don’t know what would have happened if we went out. I might have passed out at the table.

The people have been very nice. When we were trying to get a taxi, after the first man refused us, for some odd reason, a guy came out of the McDonalds behind us and offered help. And our taxi driver who did take us was very friendly.

Today I went to Daiso to get some basics. A pillow, for one. I don’t fancy stuffing clothes into my pillowcases every night. Slippers, as well, and a trash can. No more leaving trash on the ground. I’m not a dirty college student anymore.

I won’t have internet for a month or so. It takes a long time to get the Alien Registration Card (ARC), and I can’t get phone or internet or a bank account until I get that one. They say the first month is the make or break. If you don’t go mad, you’ll be fine. I didn’t realize how much I used internet until I didn’t have it. However, I love that I don’t. It’s hard since that’s the only way I can contact family, but it’s giving me an opportunity to do other things I normally put off. Like writing, practicing ukulele, reading, and exercising. Most importantly, I can study Korean.

August

Today was the first day of school. It was really, really good. I didn’t have anything to do at first, so I followed my friend as she showed me the place and looked over the textbooks a bit. We have a new curriculum for Language Arts so all the teachers are trying to get used to it. They just finished camps so everyone, including me, is preparing at the same time.

In the afternoon we had two hours of CPR training with a certified instructor. He also talked to us about general heart health, which led straight to a sales pitch on L-alginine, some supposedly miracle drink that will clear up all your arteries. For only $400, you too can feel a few pounds lighter and have fat come out in your urine! Awesome.

August

Today we have the day off, since tomorrow is Independence day and otherwise we wouldn’t have a holiday. So I went to pick up my health check, all by myself, and then stopped at Home Plus and Daiso for a pot and skillet.

I’m very pleased I worked the buses and remembered where everything was all by myself. It wasn’t hard or scary and I’m beginning to feel like I live here. As opposed to what, I’m not sure. Visiting, I guess. It’s annoying not having a phone or anything but I can live without it for a while, I suppose.

August

Today is my birthday! It doesn’t feel like it. But I did get to Skype with mom and dad and the brother, so that was good. Seemed birthdayish. Actually, it was funny – I went out this morning in search of wifi, and found one outside a building, so I stopped there and checked messages and things. I was heading to the mall to see if they had some there, but I went down into the subway to use the bathroom and found some from Daiso, so I sat on the bench outside and called home. It was great. We spent a lot of time talking and they got to see the subway.

I stopped to get kimbap on the way home – enough for lunch and dinner. I need to go grocery shopping for real food again but until I can stock up on basics like spices and oils I don’t want to try cooking much.

I just did some cleaning. My friend said the girl who lived here before wasn’t clean, and I can tell. Mold by the door and grease all over the backsplash. Ugh.

Why does this kitchen view seem so familiar already? Why does it seem like this is the life I’ve always had? Time and my memories have condensed strangely, until I’ve always been living here, like this, waiting for school to start. My whole universe has been this desk, with that green tile wall in front of me, and Monday I open the door to another universe…